It is almost tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my son's 12th birthday and as we sit on the edge of his becoming a teen I am trying to figure out this new roll. As nice as it would be for things to stay the same, I do understand the need to become a man and do more with his dad and less with me. However, he has always been my little man and thus makes it a little more of a stab in this moms heart. I have never been a mom to a boy before or since so this has been all new every step of the way.

The day Alex was born was a beautiful one, aside from my husband looking into my eyes (knowing all the messed up pregnancy dreams I had had) and said, "Look honey, you had a lizard!" My boy was a big baby weighing in at 9 lbs and 14 ozs and 22.75 inches long. But I didn't see any of that, all I could see was this beautiful baby with the bluest and biggest eyes I had ever seen. The nurses were all talking about how it looked like he was actually taking it all in, not to mention he was holding his head up in the delivery room! So we named him with a name that may be a blessing, it may be a curse, but Alexander Nicodemus Merseal he has become. So on this day, I vow to try to be the best I can for him to turn a great young man into the world. Happy Birthday. I have loved you since before I could see you, and love you more each day since.

What have I done?

Okay, so my friend Terri was here the other night and very innocently said something to the effect that I was a good knitter because I only do one project at a time... This caused me to look at my toes... I guess I have every one fooled! So I will air openly what I have on the needles right now...

First there is Shipwreck, I am doing this in a beautiful Mountain Colors Winter Lace, color Crazy Woman. Kind of at a stand still as I need beads.

Second, I have the awesome Sunbells socks and am almost halfway done with the second sock!

Then there is Painted Elly, which I am doing in Jojoland Melody. This is cool looking but I am dragging my feet because I am not sure if it will be long enough... sigh...

Then there is a pair of argyle socks which need my love badly... that makes four...

and the Elizabeth Zimmerman sweater that my brain and body can't agree on...that's 5....

which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't want to cast on for the Vernal Equinox right now! Oh well. Now I have admitted guilt... I feel better.

Tomorrow

So, tomorrow is Hannah's 13th birthday. Aside from the fact that I don't feel old enough to have a teenage daughter, the day always makes me think of a different time. Hannah was 2.5 weeks late, and I didn't know any better and didn't question my doctors opinion of letting me go a little longer. I lost 27 lbs. when I was pregnant with her as morning sickness was morning, noon and night. The day before she was born I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards and packed up the things we would not need because we were also getting ready to move, and for dinner I decided to make pizza. After dinner I remember not feeling so well so I laid down on the couch and fell asleep. Some time around midnight I woke up feeling the wave that is nausea and ran to the bathroom. As I sat on the edge of the tub for the millionth time in the last 9 months, I became aware that I had a terrible backache. So I thought maybe a shower would help.... I bounced back and forth between the nausea and the pain for another hour before I decided to wake Keith up. I was getting scared because the pain felt like someone jabbing me with a knife.

Well he got up and watched me for a few and decided it was time to call the doctors office. The nurse actually laughed at us when we said that my back pains were happening about every 5 minutes. Looking back I know now that I was having back labor, but really nothing I had read prepared me for this!

So, after they decided that I better get to the hospital, Keith called our friend Jasper for a ride. See being poor college students we had no car. So at 3 am. after I had scooted down the stairs on my bum, Jasper roared up in the "bumblebee" truck and took us on a high speed trip down the highway. We got to the hospital and the emergency enterance was locked...really. So, I had to walk around to another door.

Once we got to the hospital things started to blur together. At first they didn't know whether I was in real labor or not (hour 4 folks) and then they decided to give me demerol (which I found out I was allergic to). I don't remember much between then and the actual delivery room, except my husband pacing. They kept coming in the room and watching the monitors and making notes, they acted worried but didn't tell us anything was wrong. At some point a nurse went to leave the room and looking over her shoulder says, "if the baby comes before I get back remember to support the head" I don't know much but, probably a couple with their first baby on the way, completely scared as we were, she should have been a little understanding.

Finally they told me they wanted me to give them a trial push. The next thing I know the doctor is standing there telling me to stop while she got her gown on the rest of the way! A couple of pushes later Hannah was born at 11:35 am. I thought then and I know now that everything that followed was not normal for a healthy baby. I wasn't allowed to touch her even, she was blue, she had her cord around her neck twice, and she was limp. No crying. except for my tears there were none. The immediately gave her oxygen, started rubbing her, and within seconds she started to fuss. The whole room let a sigh of relief. I touched her for just a second, not registering the words the nurse was saying about lack of oxygen, limp, observation. Then the focus turned back to me... I couldn't stop my teeth from chattering, my temp was up to 104.5 and my blood pressure fell so low they were having issues finding it. Why? We still don't know, could be the reaction to Demerol, the stress, anything.

It was 7 that night before I was even allowed near her again, I had a mask on, and she had all kinds of tubes hooked up to her. We found out later that she had hypoglycemia (still does) and had broken her collar bone. She spent the first 6 days of her life in neonatal and the first morning she woke up at home was Mothers Day.

Today, she is a healthy, smart, funny, young lady. I love her to pieces and some day I hope she realizes the scares that she gave us her very first week. So, Happy Birthday Hannah. 13 times around the sun, something once we didn't think you would get to. I love you.

Okay who stole my time?

Appalled am I that it has been 2 years since I even tried to sit and write. So much has happened and yet so much is still the same.
We are still in St. Louis (although the day can be seen where that might not be the case), Keith and I are still going to school (Keith graduates in a couple of weeks!), the kids continue to grow faster than I can keep up.
In the time since I wrote I have finished a bunch of projects ranging from hats, shawls, socks, mittens. At the moment I have way more projects on the needles than neccessary. I will work on posting new pictures I promise.
So before I leave anyone who might see this I promise I will be back, I feel a recipe coming on again!